| wah wah |
[ SundayApril9th2006
5:00PM] |
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ew i dont use this so pretty much dont read it. i just do my communitys occasionally.
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XXX
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[ TuesdayMay31st2005
8:12AM] |
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anyone who still reads my LJ say 'I'
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10 DEANCORE XXX
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[ SaturdayDecember25th2004
9:23PM] |
Home for Christmas.
To sum it up, im in boarding school now.
On Oct.6, a whole load of shit went down.
then Woodside, the detention.
then a lock down girl's facility,
As of November 15th, ive been at school, but it is practially a free for all.
Im home the 23 to the 27 and then hopefully the 29 or 30 to the 3 of Jan.
If i dont get back to any of you, i will be home just about every month for a week or two.
I really didnt want things to happen this but its already done. I am not going to run, im not going to pull anything, i am just doing my time till i come home for good, which is looking like June.
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7 DEANCORE XXX
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[ SaturdayOctober2nd2004
9:38PM] |
I havent updated in forever.
Basically, boys with always cause 10x more drama in my life then needed and i hate to love them. espically one buttmunch in particular.
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20 DEANCORE XXX
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[ WednesdaySeptember22nd2004
1:54PM] |
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well i have a dentist appt. today for 2 fillings on my 2 front top teeth. and i have the option for getting gld ones. awesome.
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6 DEANCORE XXX
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[ TuesdaySeptember7th2004
10:37AM] |
sometimes i hate boys.
omg 1st time this year on the school computers, party.
alex and i have all our classes together for the rest of today so im fine.
i have makeup on my shirt.;__;
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4 DEANCORE XXX
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[ WednesdaySeptember1st2004
6:55AM] |
School starts tommorow.
I dont know weather im nervous/excited or pissed/disapointed.
well.this marks the start of a whole new year and a whole new sack of bullshit
poop pee gee school can leave.
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XXX
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[ MondayAugust30th2004
3:59AM] |
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Ive been so confused and upset lately. I mean. I have Keenan back around, all my friends are back in my life, i have fun everyday, i have alot. But i just feel so danm upset. There is no doubt that it is about my weight issues. As many people who tell me 'im not fat', it still doesnt cancel out what all the other people say i am and what the scale is telling me. Ive always been edgy with my weight, back even when i was about 115llbs, only 6 months ago. I would really like to blame it on the birth control, but i really dont know if thats it. Ive always been up and about, and ive always eaten fine. But its all the sudden making me burst. Yes, ive been at one continuous weight for the summer, but that number has been bothering me the entire time. The thing that hurts the most is not being able to wear some of my old stuff, or share clothes with people i use to be just like. I feel like there is something growing fucking inside me. Why cant i just be frail. Why. Id do anything if id know id be back to okay.
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4 DEANCORE XXX
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[ SaturdayAugust21st2004
1:37AM] |
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I dont want to eat anymore, i always end up feeling guilty. dumb.
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1 DEANCORE XXX
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[ SundayAugust8th2004
10:54AM] |
Today was Becca's birthday. We went downtown, then to Pizza Putt, then the two of us just hung out at her place for a bit.
I want my film developed now, and i want a new icon.and i want boys not to be fags.
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1 DEANCORE XXX
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[ FridayAugust6th2004
11:59AM] |
i have sunburn on my butt.
and my shoulder blades.
and my thighs.
and my chest.
that has to be some sort of illegal.
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4 DEANCORE XXX
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[ ThursdayAugust5th2004
2:00PM] |
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last nite was really hectic. my parents went out for most of the nite to go out to eat and other shit they do at nite, dont ask me. well. i was just sitting on the comp., alone at home with my dog when the smoke alarm in the basement goes off in like one minute intevals. sometimes it does that when the batteries are low, so i shruged it off. But then it kept going, so i walked out into the hall to see if there was something and the other dector in the hall goes off. it begins to alternate between the two dectors. Thats ridiculous. So i take the dog out front, and as i look into the house, the lights start to flicker. I call my moms cell. Its off. SO i stay on the phone with Becca and Ash. I get my neighbor 'cause im scared that we have like a fire or something, but i cant get to the basement because its padlocked. My neighbor made me promise not to go back into my hosue and all this poop, then he stood with em for like a 1/2hr. I go back in, and the hosue starts booming, like heavy footsteps. Im done, i take the dog on her leash and walk around the neighborhood, by now, its like 1:30am. On my way abck, i relize my parents are home. I run up there and start telling them all about it and how scared i am and they basically say 'its not happening now." and "who cares if its done.' OH LETS SHRUG OFF THAT EVERYTHING WENT HAYWIRE.My parents were already fighting on the lawn over other crap. They get me into it, my dad pulls the whole shit he usually does:'(. Im on the sidewalk crying. Hes calling the cops for no reason, my moms leaving, and i knew i had to get out if i was going to be left alone with my dad. So i runt to my mom, grab her purse, and run like fucking hell. After thinking abotu which way im gonna go and with who, i just turn around and walk home on intinct. By then, 2 cop cars are there. The cop asked me what happened. He understood. My dad was flipping out and excepisally when they asked me why i was running and i said 'cause of him.Those cops have been here for shit before and they know thats the reason why ive ran before too. We'll n the end, they tell us not to talk to eachother and for me to go to bed or in a serpate room. But they second they leave, they all start freaking out again. But i fell asleep.
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XXX
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[ MondayJuly26th2004
12:13PM] |
Whoa. its been awhile.
This week has been really busy. I was with Breeanna for a few days. Then i went up to some deer camp with my dad to see these turkeys were getting or something. As much as it just seems like a regular summer week, its been kinda dramatic. Let me explain.
So i was with Breeanna for a few days, and in that time, i wasnt able to get a hold of Becca which made a mess of confusion. BEcca and I talked and she understood that i wasnt near a phone and stuff. So then early Sat., i went up with my dad to go look at the turkeys. I want someone to come with em next time because it was like extreme boring and they are SO CUTE. SO i went up there, but i was really cranky, i think ti was because i had been out more than usual and my sleep was off. I ended up being really mouthy and bitchy to my dad, infront of his friends, which was a mistake. he said that 'until i prove i can control myself, i shouldnt be out" or something along those lines. SO i basically got grounded.
He is being nice now so i think im techically un-grounded.
Beccas birthdays is coming up which is a plus.
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XXX
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| I want a chance with the one that got away. |
[ ThursdayJuly22nd2004
10:17AM] |
i cant say this summer has been good. matter of fact, its been the worst ive ever had. i mean, ive been with Becca alot and Tory,Alex and Bree are always here. But this boy department has been giving me the rough end of the deal.
i dont want to go into great deatail with the names and the whole stories but to sum it up. Ive gotten my hopes up so many times, thinking this one could be the one whos finally going to be here for me. I wasted half of my summer trying to make someone love me. It not to much to ask for. Its not like i have it here at home. And i know my friends love me but its not love like that.As much as i guess i come across as a tougher, 'independent' person, when it comes down to it, i just want someone to hug. I mean, its hard when i just lay there at nite and know for a fact that there isnt a sigle heart that loves me. Everyone knows about my mom and dad and how they are. Im not even going to go into that. Becca and Alex love me but its that friendship love not the other one and i hate to make it sound like the other love is above that but, you know.
All im asking for is someoe who will hold my hand, crack up with me till our stomachs hurt,have empathy not sympathy,just...just...love me.I cant put it in anyother words. i usually wouldnt put this in here but i really need to vent. god this blows.
but you cant always get what you want.
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8 DEANCORE XXX
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[ SaturdayJuly17th2004
4:49PM] |
OMG MIKE ONEILS PROFILE CALLS ME 'SLUT'. IM HURTING
"cuanimal46 and my yahoo mail have been taken over by a lil slut please pay no attention to her
thank you for your patience
Semione10: you should bitch slap the shit out of that cunt
FB 48 15 00: wouldnt wanna touch her
Semione10: haha "
oh. since youve NEVER slept with anyone legal, you get no opinion.
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XXX
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[ FridayJuly16th2004
11:55PM] |
The day just keep getting better.
seriously.
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6 DEANCORE XXX
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